“I wish I could stay home and hang out with the baby all day!” Is a statement I often hear from my husband. I am a stay at home mom to our almost 6 month old daughter, Amy.
Despite what many may think... staying home with your child all day is not as glamorous as it sounds. Don’t get me wrong, I love my baby; I love (most of) the time we spend together. But guys, it’s a lot of work. And you know what’s extremely frustrating? Having a husband who just doesn’t get it. Who really doesn’t understand all that I do for this tiny human on an every day basis. Who doesn’t realize that some days, yes, taking the baby with me to go food shopping IS the hardest thing in the world.
I can’t even tell you how many times we have gotten into the same argument. The one where he says “1. well, what did you do all day?” ; “2. you can go to work and I’ll stay home” ; “3. You’re so lucky. I wish I could stay home and h a n g o u t with the baby all day!” ; “4. I am paying your car payment & every other bill!”
Okay.
1. Here’s what I did all day:
I nursed our daughter.
I made coffee.
I changed a diaper.
I held her for an hour when she napped because God forbid I put her down, there will be a major freak out and no nap.
I read her a book.
I forgot I made coffee.
I changed another diaper.
I nursed her again.
I put a load of laundry on... and hours later realize I didn’t transfer it to the dryer... so I washed it again.
We played with some toys!
I showered with the door open so our daughter could see me clearly from the swing in the hallway and not have a major freak out.
I changed another diaper!
I nursed her again.
I rocked her for 40 minutes because she was doing that “I’m so tired” cry but just. would. not. sleep.
I walked to the mailbox (yay! 30 seconds of freedom!) only to realize I forgot to put the outgoing mail in the mailbox earlier that morning.
I packed our tiny human up and into the car and went to the post office.
I changed another diaper.
I forgot to eat.
I nursed her again.
I put her down so I could just use the bathroom.. but the separation anxiety is peaking and she screamed the whole time.
I held her while I made myself something to eat.
Would you look at that, it’s 5:00pm already and you’re home.
2. We are barely getting by on your salary (NY at its finest). If I go to work my salary will be significantly lower than yours. Not to mention I have an issue with pumping and there would be no breast milk bottles to give. Which would mean switching to formula. Which would mean another monthly expense.. on my lower salary.
3. I know you think Amy and I are hanging out and having a good time. And yes honey, that is true a lot of the time. But it’s so much more. It’s mentally and physically exhausting.
4. We made the decision together. We decided I was going to stay home for a number of reasons. The main ones being: having two incomes would raise our health insurance premiums and we wouldn’t be able to afford it (gotta love NY) and my salary would end up paying for daycare alone. So yes, I know you’re paying all the bills. But that was the sacrifice we decided on and you have to stop bringing it up in every argument.
I am lucky. I am so lucky to be able to stay home and raise our daughter. She is funny, loving, smart, cute as a button and super feisty. Seeing her face all day every day is rewarding on so many levels. But it is anything but easy.
-Janine Stephens, @janineabean